Hello... wow glad to see, well, maybe that's not the right way to phrase
it.
But, I certainly can say, I am glad I am not alone, since I can IDENTIFY
with
your site and fellow contributors. I am a woman who has seen both sides
of the
coin. I am divorced with custody of a child myself, and am now remarried
to a
man who is divorced without cutody of his children from his marriage.
I have
to say divorce is ugly and painful for us all, no matter what the
circumstances. I am the type that does NOT want to be emotionally drained
or
draining in every matter of life, so in my divorce I asked for minimum
child
support, divided bills and property basically straight down the middle,
the
end. I feel like my ex... even if he is in my opinion, a mediocre at
best
father, (and I have valid concerns believe me)... has a steady job,
and is not
a criminal, nor pervert, so he is entitled to try to be in our daughters
life,
even if I personally can't stand him! So long as he wishes to put forth
the
effort, then we are all going to have to live together until ... well,
until
she is a lot older I guess. My real husband would gladly adopt my daughter.
We
have been together for 4 years now, and she was three and a half when
we got
together. So he has raised her longer than her own biological dad,
who also
lives far away. I would draw up the adoption papers if I thought my
ex would
not be offended, so life goes on. I could have added some horror stories
here
as well, but I would rather concentrate on the here and now.
Then a little story about my husbands ex wife... Basically,
she is one of
those pathological liar types (even lies to herself and believes it).
She
manipulated, cheated, and lied her way through their six year
marriage. She
tricked him into getting pregnant with their second child, about one
year
before she ran off with another man. She moved completely across the
country
from my (then future) husband with their kids, and just about everything
they
owned, moved in with her lover and filed for divorce. My hubby never
missed a
beat as far as supporting the children goes. He paid child support
starting
the exact day she left, and has ever since. He took all their bills,
even the
ones in her name only. He let her have all their belongings. He only
kept his
truck, stereo, and personal items. When she filed the papers she filed
as a
student, with zero income, so my husband has had to provide one hundred
percent of their kids support for the last four years, oh with no tax
breaks I
might add, and he is also responsible for all their medical and dental
insurance as well. Along the way she decided she made a mistake leaving
him
and begged to be taken back. He wasn't interested, as he had met me
by then,
and of course the war was really on then. He has been denied
visitation for
several years now. We live really far away, have a new child of our
own, and
just can't afford to fight her on every little thing at this time.
She has in
the meantime finished her schooling as a RN and refuses to disclose
if she has
a job, or any info about the children... her words are usually, "ask
them
yourself " or, "it's none of your business! ". Well, they are like
ages 8 and
5 now... were 1 and 4 back when she left. Basically, she has total
control of
my husbands kids, takes my husband for every cent she can squeeze out
of him,
denies visitation, ( the last time he tried he was told, I'll leave
town or
get a court order... what ever the hell that was for we don't know?).
She
refuses to acknowledge my husband and I being married ( haha! ), but
sadly
even refuses to accept that we have a son who is a half brother to
her /my
husband children. We have received NO pictures, school work, info (one
of the
children even had an operation which she never told him about )! In
a nut
shell, she acts like we don't exist... there was no acknowledgment
of
Christmas or birthday presents we sent, or even a thank you, nothing.
So we
just finally gave up about a year ago. She's said it all... ( to my
husband...
she has never once talked to me in four years, as I am not even
"allowed" to
be in the same room with my hubby if he calls the kids.) "Pay your
child
support and stay out of our lives, it's none of your business or concern
how
they are doing ! ". Another thing that really stinks, when we
go visit my
husbands family, he only has a stepdad, his mother is dead, and he
never knew
his real dad, there at the house are pictures, letters, we are told
of
frequent calls with news about the kids and stuff. She hasn't called
my hubby
one time in four years or sent him anything concerning the kids, except
a few
medical bills. But his family knows everything! I guess the fiery flames
of
hell, are gonna have to be pretty hot to melt this ice queen. Good
luck and
prayers to any and all of us who have to live with this ridiculous
stuff
everyday. I know there has just gotta be a light at the end of
the tunnel
though, they will pay someday. I just hope the CHILDREN in all cases
learn and
live through it all... best that they can.
Sincerely,
Lisa Ann