The Ice Queen Cometh

Hello... wow glad to see, well, maybe that's not the right way to phrase it.
But, I certainly can say, I am glad I am not alone, since I can IDENTIFY with
your site and fellow contributors. I am a woman who has seen both sides of the
coin. I am divorced with custody of a child myself, and am now remarried to a
man who is divorced without cutody of his children from his marriage. I have
to say divorce is ugly and painful for us all, no matter what the
circumstances. I am the type that does NOT want to be emotionally drained or
draining in every matter of life, so in my divorce I asked for minimum child
support, divided bills and property basically straight down the middle, the
end. I feel like my ex... even if he is in my opinion, a mediocre at best
father, (and I have valid concerns believe me)... has a steady job, and is not
a criminal, nor pervert, so he is entitled to try to be in our daughters life,
even if I personally can't stand him! So long as he wishes to put forth the
effort, then we are all going to have to live together until ... well, until
she is a lot older I guess. My real husband would gladly adopt my daughter. We
have been together for 4 years now, and she was three and a half when we got
together. So he has raised her longer than her own biological dad, who also
lives far away. I would draw up the adoption papers if I thought my ex would
not be offended, so life goes on. I could have added some horror stories here
as well, but I would rather concentrate on the here and now.
   Then a little story about my husbands ex wife... Basically, she is one of
those pathological liar types (even lies to herself and believes it). She
manipulated,  cheated, and lied her way through their six year marriage. She
tricked him into getting pregnant with their second child, about one year
before she ran off with another man. She moved completely across the country
from my (then future) husband with their kids, and just about everything they
owned, moved in with her lover and filed for divorce. My hubby never missed a
beat as far as supporting the children goes. He paid child support starting
the exact day she left, and has ever since. He took all their bills, even the
ones in her name only. He let her have all their belongings. He only kept his
truck, stereo, and personal items. When she filed the papers she filed as a
student, with zero income, so my husband has had to provide one hundred
percent of their kids support for the last four years, oh with no tax breaks I
might add, and he is also responsible for all their medical and dental
insurance as well. Along the way she decided she made a mistake leaving him
and begged to be taken back. He wasn't interested, as he had met me by then,
and of course the war was really on then.  He has been denied visitation for
several years now. We live really far away, have a new child of our own, and
just can't afford to fight her on every little thing at this time. She has in
the meantime finished her schooling as a RN and refuses to disclose if she has
a job, or any info about the children... her words are usually, "ask them
yourself " or, "it's none of your business! ". Well, they are like ages 8 and
5 now... were 1 and 4 back when she left. Basically, she has total control of
my husbands kids, takes my husband for every cent she can squeeze out of him,
denies visitation, ( the last time he tried he was told, I'll leave town or
get a court order... what ever the hell that was for we don't know?). She
refuses to acknowledge my husband and I being married ( haha! ), but sadly
even refuses to accept that we have a son who is a half brother to her /my
husband children. We have received NO pictures, school work, info (one of the
children even had an operation which she never told him about )! In a nut
shell, she acts like we don't exist... there was no acknowledgment of
Christmas or birthday presents we sent, or even a thank you, nothing. So we
just finally gave up about a year ago. She's said it all... ( to my husband...
she has never once talked to me in four years,  as I am not even "allowed" to
be in the same room with my hubby if he calls the kids.) "Pay your child
support and stay out of our lives, it's none of your business or concern how
they are doing ! ".  Another thing that really stinks, when we go visit my
husbands family, he only has a stepdad, his mother is dead, and he never knew
his real dad, there at the house are pictures, letters, we are told of
frequent calls with news about the kids and stuff. She hasn't called my hubby
one time in four years or sent him anything concerning the kids, except a few
medical bills. But his family knows everything! I guess the fiery flames of
hell, are gonna have to be pretty hot to melt this ice queen. Good luck and
prayers to any and all of us who have to live with this ridiculous stuff
everyday. I  know there has just gotta be a light at the end of the tunnel
though, they will pay someday. I just hope the CHILDREN in all cases learn and
live through it all... best that they can.

Lisa Ann