Hope Springs Eternal

Holy cow, I just got done reading your stories. These are the most horrible
things I have ever heard.  I just finished going through a divorce that my
husband wanted two years ago. He wanted the divorce (let me know he wanted)
in October of 1996. Come August 3, 1998, it was final. We did it pro se,
which means with no attorneys. I did ALL the paper work for us as he is
self-employed and had no time. However, I did make him pay for all of the
related costs, which amounted to maybe $500 if that. (Probably closer to
$300) We have one child, a 12-year old boy, and he spends lots of time with
his dad, though I have legal physical custody. We did not own any property,
so that part was easy. He is self-employed and makes good money in his
company, but I have not gone after one single red cent from it. I have all
the original furnishings (which most of them were given to us by my parents
anyway) my car, (which he bought for me but I now make the payments for),
my snowmobile, and my motorcycle. Because he makes very good money, he now
has bought a house (something he would not do when we were married for our
14 years) and furnished it with all brand new things. (He likes being
unattached and there are no ladies in his life.)  I let him have the camper
on the seasonal site (he is making the payments on it anyway, not me, as
well as the lot rent payments) as I feel the end of our marriage resulted
from this very "family-camping" experience and I want no part of it
anymore(he was, and I allege this, "in love" with a 14-year old girl at the
time...to this very second, her family and he still vacation
together--three years in a row now). He pays $400 in support to me every
month faithfully. He is excellent at taking our son, he is a very good dad,
he was just a louzy husband. Sometimes I think about it too much and the
memories really hurt me, because the man I am with now thinks I am
spectacular (and most people who know me really like me and can't believe I
didn't take him for ever dime he has).

My new man, however, has the ex-wife problems like I am reading about. Most
all of these ex-wives seem to have the same thing in common; that is,
parents who continually keep the ball rolling for them financially, and
none of them seem to be able to get jobs and be employed. I have no respect
for women like that--women who are gainfully unemployed. They are useless
drains on society. Also, the court systems that continually favor women
really has got to go out the door. Afterall, (and keep in mind I am a
woman), these women want equal rights, then pay up equally too and work
equally for your money just as men always have! This woman has an R.N.
degree through the schooling she got that my new man (her ex) paid for so
that she could get somewhere in life. The children are 11 and 14, way old
enough for mom to leave alone after school. I have been working full time
since I graduated from highschool nearly 20 years ago as well as working
full time with a newborn-now-12-year-old boy! I love his two children
dearly, and it is obvious that they like me, too. So much so that they want
to live with their dad and hope that we may "marry" someday so that they
can have a real family again with me and their dad (isn't that sweet?).
This is the problem because if he gets custody, his ex will definitely have
to get a job. And she knows the children can't stand living with her and
they want to live with their dad; they make that very plain to her.  My new
man loves his children dearly; he pays his $800 per month faithfully, and
he gets to see them almost every single weekend. He has no living family
left, both his parents are gone, and he was an only-child from that
marriage. His children are all he has left and he is fiercely devoted to
them. I just don't understand the court systems and lawyers. They get paid
tons of money to ruin mens' lives, so it seems. I didn't want to ruin my
ex's life. I would much rather get along. I hope some day he realizes just
how lucky he is with the way I handled it even though it was he who wanted
the divorce in the first place. I admit that I tried to make a go of
improving the marriage (we did have our problems, mostly from the fact that
he never wanted to spend any time with or do anything with me no matter
what the circumstances, which I admit, eventually turned me into a bit of a
nag--but I thought husbands and wives were supposed to spend time together
and do things together--not spend all our time with other families--maybe I
was wrong in expecting that--expecting too much--because all I ever asked
for was his time?) but after a year I felt I was making all the efforts and
getting nothing in return and I finally resolved myself to the fact that I
just must let it go and get on with my life....it wasn't easy. But I am
surviving wonderfully, and by the grace of our wonderful Lord God, I am
being provided for in the most wonderfully appropriate ways. It is amazing
how much easier life can be when you depend on God to help you survive. I
thought I was going to have to sell my car because I just couldn't afford
the payments once I got my own apartment, but I suddenly got a substantial
unexpected raise at my job and am expecting another large, unexpected raise
next month. God is truly marvelous and wonderful and I praise Him loudly
for it. I did not have to sell my car. I have not starved, I do not live on
the streets, I still have my dignity, and I am pretty much self-sufficient.
I am a christian, (and an imperfect one at that) and therefore, do not feel
compelled to rant and rave here. Yes, men, who may be reading this, not all
ex-wives are ex's from hell. If I do end up with my new man in marriage or
in living quarters, my son may not want to live with me and choose to live
with his dad, which I will gladly allow him to do. He understands he has
the choice, and he also understands (as children can certainly "play" their
parents) that once he changes his mind to come back to me after dad--which
both his dad and I feel will happen--he will come back to me and it will
stay that way. No see-sawing.

In the meantime, I feel God was preparing me to fully appreciate all the
love, support and oodles and oodles of attention I am now receiving from my
new fellow. We both feel God has brought us together, and we are
grateful--if you believe and trust in the Lord, then all things work out
for good.